


The Light.

by Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Abusive Relationships, F/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-10
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 04:27:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8518456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter/pseuds/Small_Town_Wayward_Daughter
Summary: Trigger Warning! Attempted Self Harm and Suicide attempt/Talk of Suicidal thoughts. Clairese is looking for a way out of the mess that is her life and Jax stumbles upon her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For Clairese I hope you like it Doll.
> 
> Thank you for reading! <3

"Babe? I'm home." I looked up and grimaced as the front door opened and shut. I plastered a smile on my face and turned away from the stove to set the roast on the table.   
"In the kitchen." I called out as he walked in, the bane of my existence.   
"Smells good, what's for dinner?" He asked as he grabbed a beer from the fridge.   
"Pot roast, I know how much you like it." He stilled and looked up at me, I stiffened and waited for him to speak.  
"I thought we agreed that you wouldn't make it anymore, it has turned out terrible the last few times Clairese." I felt my smile falter and I looked at the ground.  
"I followed your mothers recipe to the letter, it looks just like hers does. I tried really hard for you Jason."   
"If you knew what you were doing you wouldn't have to try so hard." I nodded and waited for him to sit down. "Let's give it a try." He sighed and nodded at me to sit down. I waited for him to serve himself and then served myself. We had a routine, he always served himself first, took the first bite, and made sure to comment on the meal before I was allowed to eat anything. He cut into it and took a bite, chewing thoughtfully as I stared intensely at the table. "Not bad. A little chewy though, not moist enough." I frowned and nodded.   
"I'll try harder next time sir." He nodded and I took a small bite as he continued to eat.   
"I'll be taking your car to work tomorrow, you'll need to take mine to the shop for new breaks."   
"Yes sir." He told me about his day, about his boss and I watched him drink steadily through the meal, beer after beer and then he switched to whiskey. He finally finished eating and I got to work cleaning up after the meal as he watched. I'm usually very careful but sometimes that isn't enough. All it takes is a little water on your hand and not a firm enough grip to send a plate crashing into the sink hard enough to break it. Unfortunately there was a cup that broke too and I stilled as the sound echoed in the small kitchen.  
"What was that?"  
"I'm so sorry, the plate slipped and fell onto a glass."   
"What broke?"  
"They both did, I'm so sorry Jason." He stood up and I stepped aside, away from him. That was my second mistake.  
"I work hard at the warehouse so that we can have nice things, and you fucking break them!" He shouted the last four words and I cringed.   
"I know you do, I am-" **Slap!**   
"Stop apologizing you clumsy cow! God I don't know why I put up with you!" He shouted and gripped my arm. "I hate having to be the bad guy all the fucking time, you know that?" I nodded and he jerked my arm harder. "Use your words!"  
"I know that, I will be better."  
"I've heard that before Clairese, I am really getting tired of this." He sighed and released my arm. "Clean this mess up." I nodded and waited until he moved away from the sink to start cleaning up the mess. I finished cleaning up and when I turned around he was sitting there watching me. "Come here." He muttered and I felt myself shake as I stepped closer to him. He stood up and used one hand to cup my face. "I don't know why you are so clumsy, but I am just going to have to beat it out of you love." I tried to shake my head but he held my chin tighter. "I'm sorry." He punched me in the face and I cried out as he did it once, twice, and a third time. I fell to the ground and looked up at him with fear in my eyes. He glared down at me. "Don't do it again."   
"Yes sir." I nodded and watched him walk away, I waited for a few minutes before I got up and left the kitchen. He was watching tv in the living room and I crept down the hall to our room. I changed into pajamas and climbed into bed, making sure to stay on my side and not to mess anything up, this wasn't the first night that I cried myself to sleep.  
  
"Ma'am?" I heard faintly but I was so zoned out that I didn't see the hand reaching out for me, I jumped when it touched me and the mechanic snatched his hand back. "Sorry darlin', you were zoned out."  
"No, I'm sorry, what did you say?" I asked with a small forced smile.  
"I asked if you wanted a cup of coffee while you waited?"  
"Oh, no thank you." I shook my head and he nodded.   
"You can sit down, it will take a few minutes."   
"I don't want to be any trouble sir, I'm fine standing." He frowned   
"Jax."   
"Pardon?"  
"My name is Jax, sir makes me twitchy." He gave me a smile and I nodded.   
"Clairese." I replied and he nodded.   
"I'll get to work on your car."   
"I'll wait here then." He gave a soft smile and headed out to the garage. I took off my sunglasses and tucked them into my purse as I looked around the office. A half hour later Jax came back into the office, he stopped in his tracks and I tilted my head at him before I remembered that I took my shades off. I slipped them back on in a hurry and he frowned at me.  
"That looks painful."  
"I'm very clumsy is all, my boyfriend calls me his clumsy cow." I muttered and he just gave me a stare. "Is the car done?"  
"Yeah, you had an oil leak so we fixed that as well." I frowned at him.  
"I was only supposed to get the breaks done."  
"We figured you'd want that done too."   
"How much is it going to be?" I asked and he tilted his head as he told me the price, I had exactly that but Jason wanted change back. I sighed and nodded.  
"Is that ok?"   
"Yeah, my boyfriend just wanted his breaks changed only, he didn't mention the leak is all."  
"It's not your car?" I shook my head and he nodded.   
"No, mine isn't that nice." I said without thinking and then I bit my lip. "Uh here." I handed him the money and he looked at me intensely before he wrote me out a bill. "Uh, could you just put the full amount as the break change?"   
"You don't want the oil fix on here?" I shook my head and he raised a brow at me. "Can I ask why?"   
"I just don't want him to know is all. It'll get me into trouble." He nodded and then continued to write.   
"There you go, here's my card, you can call here anytime, even if it's not car related."   
"Why would I call you?" I asked and he gave me a look that said 'don't even kid, you know why.'  
"Just in case." I nodded and he handed me the keys to the car. "Have a good day darlin'."   
"You too." He nodded and I left him with a small smile.  
  
I got away with my lie for about a week before shit hit the fan. I was home, cleaning the bathroom when Jason came home early from work. I didn't hear him come in until he was behind me and he bashed my head into the sink. "Did you think i wouldn't find out?" Stars danced in front of my eyes as I looked up at him from the floor.   
"Find out?"   
"I was complaining about the expensive oil change I got from TM and a guy from work said that his was half that price." I felt myself pale and he saw it. "Yeah." He jerked my up by my hair and threw me into the wall my cheek connected and I felt it split open. "I called and they said that there was a mistake on my bill, that my car had an oil pan replacement as well. I didn't ask for an oil pan replacement!" He shouted as he punched me in the face, blood dripped down my cheek and I fell down in the hallway.  
"They fixed it and then told me after, I couldn't tell them not to." I slurred out and he kicked my in the jaw.   
"I don't care! You should've made them take it off." He roared at me as he picked my up and threw me into the wall again, he kicked me until I blacked out. When I woke up it was dark and there was a small puddle of blood around my cheek. I got up and staggered before I caught myself on the bathroom counter, I looked up into the mirror and gaped in horror. My jaw had a purple bruise blooming on the right side, my left eye was swollen shut and my right cheek was cut and there was blood caked on my face. I peeked into the bedroom and saw that it was late, almost one in the morning and Jason was passed out. I sneaked into the closet for my shoes and I waited until I was beside the front door to slip them on. I opened the front door and walked into the night with no intention of going back. I was sick of this, this isn't who I wanted to be anymore. I walked until it started getting light out and I noticed that I was on the bridge between Charming and Stockton, the water was low and I knew that the jump would kill me, if not though the rocks would. I climbed up to sit on the railing and I waited, thinking about this. _Is this what I want?_ Yes. _I don't have anyone to go to, no one would miss me, not even Jason. I am tired of being beaten and battered all the time. This is my chance to get out and I am going to take it._ I took as deep of a breath as I could and I stood on the railing for a few minutes, admiring the view.  
"What are you doing?" I jumped and gripped onto the side of the bridge so I didn't fall. I turned my head and saw the blonde guy _Jax_ from the car garage leaning against the railing smoking.  
"What are you doing? Sneaking up on someone like that!" I turned my face away from him.   
"It looked like you were getting ready to jump."   
"I am."   
"Why?"  
"Isn't it obvious? I want to die."   
"Why?" He asked again and I turned my face to look at him, his entire demeanor changed and his jaw clenched.   
"Clumsy again?" He asked in a frigid tone and I sighed.   
"No."  
"Get down. Please?" He reached out his hand and I shook my head.   
"Just, go away please? I want this. I made up my mind and I have no other way out."  
"That's not true Clairese. You have another choice." I frowned at him  
"You remembered my name?" He nodded and I shook my head. "I want this, it's not fear. I want to be free."   
"You won't be free, you'll be dead." He told me and I nodded.   
"I know. I am ready." I looked at him and gave a small smile. "Please just walk away and forget about me?"   
"I can't do that darlin', I've already seen you here, I know that you're scared and alone and if I walked away I'd never forgive myself."  
"Why does it matter? I'm alone, I'm no one, I'm nothing."   
"You have me." I scoffed and turned my face away from him.  
"You don't know me, if you did you'd give me a push." I turned around on the railing, facing him full on and balanced myself between two beams with my arms spread out.  
"He really did a number on you didn't he?" I shook my head.   
"He showed me the truth." He stepped in front of me and held out his hand.  
"Give me a chance to prove him wrong?" I furrowed my brow and tilted my head at him.  
"Why do you care Jax?" He smiled at me and I looked at him hand and then into his blue eyes.  
"I don't know, but I do. And if you jump then I'll never get to find out why I do and neither will you. What have you got to lose? The bridge isn't going anywhere." I looked at him for a long minute before I reached out and took his hand. He stepped forward and lifted me down off the railing with a smile. "Thank you." He told me as he gave me a gentle hug. _He was right, I have nothing left to lose and nothing that he could do would be worse than what I just left._


	2. Chapter 2

Jax led me off the bridge and over to his bike, which was parked down the block. I asked him why he was parked so far away and he told me that he was taking a walk, clearing his head, when he saw me standing on the edge. "Ever been on one of these before?" He motioned at the bike and I shook my head. "It's easy darlin' just lean with me into the turns and hold onto me so you don't fall off." I nodded and he handed me the helmet he had on the handle bars.   
"What about you?" I asked and he just smirked at me.   
"My head's to hard for it to hurt me if I fell." I grimaced and climbed on the bike behind him.  
"I'm supposed to be the one with the death wish." I muttered and I felt him chuckle as he turned the bike on. He took me to a diner just outside of town and parked.   
"Hungry?" He asked and I shook my head.   
"I don't have any money." I muttered and he nudged me towards the diner.   
"I need coffee and pancakes, I'll buy for you." I grimaced and followed him inside, not that I had a choice. He led me to a booth in the back and I stared at the ground the whole walk there, people were staring at me. Jax sat facing the room, leaving me to sit with my back facing it which I really appreciated. The waitress came over and gave me a sympathetic look before she eyed Jax.   
"Two coffees please?" He asked and she nodded   
"I'll be back with your coffee." She walked away and he was looking at me.  
"What?"  
"You said you were alone, is that just in Charming or-?"  
"No, I meant that I have no one, anywhere. My parent's died when I was young and I was in foster care until I was fifteen."   
"Fifteen?"   
"I left, lived on my own." I told him as the waitress came back with our coffee.   
"Are we ready to order?" She asked  
"Two of the breakfast special?" He asked and she nodded as she walked away.   
"I'm gonna go wash my hands, I'll be right back." He nodded and I slid out of the booth. I locked the door and took a look in the mirror, it was worse not that it was light and a few hours had passed. I wet a paper towel and cleaned my face gently, ran a hand through my messy blonde hair and washed my hands before I went back out to the diner. I didn't see Jax, until I looked out the window and saw him talking on the phone, I slid into the booth and doctored my coffee as the waitress walked over.   
"Everything ok here honey?" She asked and I nodded.   
"The coffee is great, thank you."   
"I meant everything else, I know a place you can go to get away from him." I frowned.  
"Oh! No this wasn't him. I ran away from home and he found me, he is trying to help me. He didn't hurt me." She gave me a long look. "I promise, this wasn't him." She nodded and gave me a smile as she walked away. I held my coffee cup in my hands to warm them and I looked at the table top. I didn't know what was going to happen now but it had to be better than what I just left right? The waitress brought breakfast to the table and Jax came back inside a few minutes later, he furrowed his brow when he saw that I hadn't eaten yet.   
"Not hungry?"  
"I uh was just waiting for you." I muttered and he nodded. He took a bite and then I did, I know that he noticed but he didn't say anything and I was glad for that. We didn't talk much while we ate and he laughed at me when I was on my third cup of coffee. "What? I like caffeine." I muttered and he put a hand over mine, I twitched but he just gave it a squeeze.   
"I'm not judging, I drink coffee all day." I nodded and slid my hand out from under his, putting it in my lap instead. We ate and paid and headed back outside.   
"Where are we going now?"   
"Somewhere safe, no worries." I frowned but nodded and slid on behind him. He took off and I enjoyed the ride, I wasn't really paying attention until he pulled up in front of a house. I climbed off and stared at the house.  
"Where are we?"  
"Home." He took my hand gently and tugged me up the driveway. He unlocked the door and led me inside, the place was homey and warm, also a mess.  
"Sorry it's trashed, I wasn't expecting company." I smiled softly and nodded. "I'll give you the tour." He led me through the place and then took me into his room last. I stayed by the door and he rummaged through his dresser for a few minutes before he walked back over to me. "Here is a shirt, some pants, I don't really keep women's underwear here." I smiled and let out a small laugh. "Let me show you the bathroom and then I'll let you take a shower ok?" I nodded and followed him down the hall to the bathroom, he gave me a razor, tooth brush, brush, and towels before he left with a 'take all the time you need' over his shoulder. I locked the door, turned on the water, and got undressed. The hot water felt amazing and I took my time shaving and washing my hair, I hadn't had conditioner in forever and I knew that my hair was going to be happy. After my shower I brushed my hair and got dressed in the clothes that Jax had given me, I swam in them but they were clean. I shuffled down the hall looking for him, he was in the living room flipping through stations on the tv. He looked up at me and gave me a small smile.  
"Feel better?"  
"Yeah, thank you." He nodded and noticed me holding my old clothes.   
"Oh here, I'll toss that in the washer for you." I nodded and followed him to the garage where the washer and dryer were. He tossed them in and then almost bumped into me. "Whoa, sorry darlin'."   
"I was in the way, I'm sorry." He frowned and then shook his head. His phone started ringing and I moved to give him room to get to it, he walked down the hall as he talked and I sat on the edge of the couch to wait for him. He came out a few minutes later and I stood up so fast I almost fell over. He caught me and then kept his hands on my arms as he looked at me.   
"I have to run out for a bit to meet the club, stay here, _make yourself comfortable_. I have a house phone if you need it and my number is on here." He handed me a slip of paper and I nodded.   
"What club?" I asked and he smiled.   
"The Sons of Anarchy motorcycle club."   
"Oh." He nodded and let go of my arms.  
"Please relax, you look tense and its killing me."  
"I'll try." He nodded and then headed for the door. It was quiet once he left, I looked around and took a deep breath to calm myself, It didn't work so I wandered around a little. After I tripped over various pieces of rubbish I decided that since I was here I would clean. I went to look under the kitchen sink and found the stuff I needed, then I went to the garage and got the rest and moved my clothes into the dryer. I went and got all the dishes from around the house, washed them, cleaned out the fridge and washed those dishes, and started the dish washer first. Then I cleaned the counters, appliances, and table. Then I tackled the floor and took out the trash, after I figured out where it went. The living room was next and it was easy enough to put the clothes in the wash and his shoes by the door, then I stacked movies and books on the shelves around the room. I dusted off the coffee table, tv, and the bookshelves before I vacuumed that room and down the hall. The bathroom was next and that was a little messy, I wore gloves for that because I had no idea who had been using it. Once the place was all clean, minus Jax's room because I didn't want to invade his privacy, I sat on the couch and read one of the books that looked interesting to me. I don't remember falling asleep but I must have because the next thing I know Jax is shaking me awake and I was flinching away from him.   
"Whoa darlin'! it's ok. It's just me." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair.   
"Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."   
"No, I just wanted to tell you that I brought food home, it's dinner time." I looked around and found a clock, it was almost five in the evening. "You cleaned." He said and I looked up at him.  
"Y-yeah, I- uh is that ok?"   
"Ok? No, this place was a fuckin mess, It's great and I really appreciate it. Thank you." I sighed and gave a half smile  
"I didn't go in your room, I didn't want to invade your privacy." I told him and he nodded.  
"That's fine, thank you. You didn't have to do any of that." I shrugged and followed him into the kitchen. He got plates and handed me one as he nodded towards the pizza box. I waited for him to sit and fill his plate before I took a piece from the box.  
"How was your day?" I asked him and he smiled at me.   
"Eventful, how was yours?" I looked away from him for a minute  
"Eventful, but in a good way for once." He nodded and stood up to get a drink. I was done eating so I took my plate to the sink and started to unload the dishwasher.   
"I can handle that Clairese." He said form behind me and I jumped, dropping a plate on the floor.  
"Shit I am so sorry sir, I didn't mean to." I started to babble and I fell to the ground to start picking up the pieces. "I really didn't mean to, I'll buy you a new-" I startled when he scooped me up and carried me into the living room and set me on my feet.  
"Enough. It's just a plate sweetheart. Are you cut?" He looked at my hands and then at my knees. I wasn't looking at him and I was rigid on my feet. "Hey, look at me please?" I darted my eyes to his and they were warm, not angry. "I am not going to get mad about a broken plate, I am not going to hit you no matter what you do, and no matter what happens I will never hurt you in any way. I will get a little upset if you keep acting like I am like your ex. I am nothing like him, I want you to be happy and I want to help you. I'm not sir I am Jax, and I know that you will figure that out in time but I still wanted to tell you. I don't expect anything of you and especially not for you to treat me like some king or whatever. You don't have to be afraid of me."   
"I'm not, not really I just- old habits ya know?" He nodded  
"I get it, I just felt like we should have that talk sooner rather than later." I nodded and looked up at him.   
"Thank you." He smiled and leaned forward to press a kiss to my forehead.   
"Tomorrow we can go get you some clothes, and get you settled in here." I tilted my head at him  
"You want me to stay here?"  
"What did you think was going to happen?"   
"I figured that you were going to send me on my way after a meal and a shower."   
"No sweetheart, I want you here with me, I have a lot of kindness left to show you." I wasn't going to question it, I didn't want to, so I just nodded and let me pull him into a hug.


	3. Chapter 3

Living with Jax was strange, he kept weird hours and he never got up or left at the same time, some days he took me with him, those were days he had off. I had been living with him for a few months now and I was getting better each day, I didn't flinch as much anymore and things that would freak me out were getting fewer and farther in between. "Hey, Clairese wake up." I felt Jax shaking me and I frowned at him.  
"No go away." I muttered and he laughed.  
"C'mon get up." I sighed and popped my eyes open. He was sitting on the edge of my bed and smiling at me. "Or I could climb in there with you?" He asked with a flirty tone and I smiled at him and lifted up the blanket.  
"C'mon then, as long as I don't have to get up." He laughed and pulled me into a sitting position. "Fine fine, where are we going?"  
"How do you know we're going anywhere?"  
"You only wake me up when you want to go somewhere and you don't want to go alone." He grinned and nodded.  
"I want you to meet my friends, it'll be fun." I frowned at tilted my head at him.   
"Tell the truth." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.  
"Club shit going south and I have to work and I want to keep you close for the next few day."   
"But I'm not-"  
"You are, Clairese, you're part of me, part of this life now. Please just come with me?" I sighed and looked at him for a minute.  
"Ok. Fine, but what if they don't like me?" He laughed and shook his head.  
"They will, I told them about you. They've been begging me to bring you by."   
"If you want me to get up you need to leave, I'm not wearing anything except this T-shirt." I muttered and he laughed again.  
"Do I have to leave darlin'?"  
"Yes, beat it." I hit him with the pillow and he got up and closed the door behind him. I got dressed in jeans, a black mid sleeved T-shirt, and the boots that Jax insisted I get because of the grip on them. I ran a brush through my red hair and then figured some makeup would be wise. It didn't take me long to get ready and when I stepped out of my room Jax was talking on the phone. I grabbed my jacket from by the door and waited for him to be done. He looked upset when he hung up and I tilted my head at him. "Everything ok?"   
"Yeah, just some bullshit going on. Ready to go?" I nodded and he ushered me out the door. We drove to TM and he backed into a parking space, I was nervous as I climbed off the bike and he knew it because he took my hand in his. "It's going to be fine baby." I looked up at him and nodded as he tugged me forward into the clubhouse. There was a lot of noise coming from inside the building and it was overwhelming when we went inside. I stiffened but Jax looked at me and smiled as I kept walking.   
"Jax!" He looked up and there was a bald man with a lot of tattoos walking over to him.  
"Happy. Where are the others?"  
"They left for the warehouse." Jax nodded and I felt eyes on me so I looked up at the man.   
"Happy this is Clairese, babe this is Happy." I gave him a small smile and he nodded at me.   
"I'm supposed to stay here with the families and the prospect, you're gonna go meet the guys." Happy told Jax and he nodded and gave my hand a squeeze.   
"C'mon, I'll show you to my dorm room and if you get to overwhelmed you're allowed in there ok?" I nodded as he pulled me through the crowed.   
"Who are all these people?"  
"These are family. Club members all bring their families here for lock downs." He led me down the hall and stopped in front of the fourth door on the left.   
"Does this happen a lot?" I asked and he shook his head.   
"Not as often as you'd think. Its safe here and I want you to be safe." He turned to looked down at me. "I know that its a lot to take in and that it might make you rethink things but this club is all about keeping people in the town and the people we love safe."   
"Jax, I'm not upset that I'm here, that you think there is danger. I wish that you weren't going to be in it and I am worried that you'll get reckless. I know how you are, so promise me that you'll be careful?" He smiled at me and leaned down to kiss me, it was a first and it was soft, sweet, and quick.  
"I'll try." I smiled and nodded. "This is our room, if you need it." I nodded and he led me back out into the bar area of the club house and over to Happy. "I'm taking off now, keep an eye out ok brother?"  
"You got it." Jax gave my hand a squeeze and then walked out the door. I looked around at all the unfamiliar faces and then at Happy.   
"Come with me." He nodded out the door and I frowned but followed him. He led me into the garage and nudged a stool towards me. "Sit, I have to finish this car." I tilted my head at him.  
"Thank you." He nodded and then went to work fixing the car in front of him. I twirled around on the stool and listened to the music playing from the club house.   
"How'd you meet?" He asked out of no where.  
"Me and Jax?" I asked and he nodded. "I was getting ready to kill myself and he stopped me. He talked me off the ledge of the bridge." He looked up at me and frowned.  
"Why?"  
"Death was better than the life I was living." He nodded   
"You make him happy, he's different since you came along. More cautious and less hot headed."   
"I don't know about that, but I do know that he has helped me a lot. I'm better now, not fully but getting there."   
"Do you love him?"   
"What?"  
"Do you love him?" He repeated and I sighed.  
"Yeah, but that doesn't matter. I'm too broken for anyone to love me."   
"Are you?" I nodded and he just looked at me before he went back to work. We hung out for about an hour before the guys all came back. Jax saw us in the garage and walked over to us, I noticed that he was limping but I didn't mention it. He pulled me into a hug, which surprised me but he just held onto me and I wrapped my arms around him.  
"Are you ok?" I asked him and he nodded as he buried his face in my hair. I looked at Happy and he was smirking at me as he walked out of the garage.  
"Lets go home?" He asked and I nodded.  
  
Jax had been acting very affectionate since the lock down and I didn't mind it. I liked it a lot in fact but it was scaring me because I didn't know what to do with it. He took the day off and we were sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast when he asked me out.   
"Do you want to go to dinner with me tonight?"   
"Sure, where did you want to go?"   
"Somewhere fancy, aren't dates meant to be fancy?" I looked up at him and blinked.   
"Dates?"  
"Yeah. I wanna take you on a date."   
"Oh Jax, I don't think that's a good idea." He smirked at me and then shook his head.   
"Doesn't matter."  
"It doesn't matter?"  
"No, we're going to go out and have dinner and maybe i'll take you to a bar and teach you how to play pool. We're going to have fun and I am going to kiss you. A lot. Because I am in love with you and I know that you love me too." I blinked at him again and gave a nod.   
"Ok." He grinned at me and nodded  
"Ok." I started cleaning up the kitchen and I felt him come up behind me. "You're not going to let me get away with everything that easy, are you?" I shook my head and he laughed gently as he kissed my cheek. We spent the day hanging out, watching crappy tv, and talking. I left him to take a shower and start getting ready, I curled my hair, did my makeup in a smokey tone, put on a pretty dress that Jax had insisted I get and now I know why. I had a pair or sparkly flats that were perfect with it and I was ready when he knocked on my door. I opened it and gaped at him, he looked amazing in dark jeans and a black button down shirt with the sleeved rolled up.  
"You look beautiful." He murmured and I smiled at him.  
"You look handsome." He grinned at me and kept staring at me. "Are you ready to go?"  
"Right, yes. Lets go." I chuckled and nudged him down the hallway. He let me outside and I blinked when I saw a truck parked where his bike usually is.  
"Where's your bike?" I asked him and he led me over to the passenger side.   
"I figured we'd take the cage, since you got all dolled up." I smiled and leaned up to kiss his cheek.   
"Well aren't you a classy one Jax Teller." He nodded and closed me into the truck. He drove us to a nice Italian place, it wasn't crowded and the lighting was dim. It was romantic and nice for a first date. We had dinner and then Jax took me to a bar just out of town, for a few drinks and to play pool. It was going great until I was jerked away from kissing Jax and I came face to face with Jason. I gasped and stumbled back into the pool table.  
"What the fuck Clairese?"   
"Jason?"   
"You're cheating on me?" He glared at me and I looked at the ground before Jax stepped next to me.   
"No, she left you four months ago. Keep your hands off of her." Jason looked as Jax and laughed in his face.   
"Or what? She's mine, she has always been mine." I took Jax's hand and I gave it a squeeze, he looked at me and gave me a small smile.   
"She's not yours. She's not a possession she is a fucking person and you will never touch her again."   
"Clairese, lets go." Jason demanded and I shook my head.   
"No."  
"What?" He stepped closer to me and I stilled   
"I said no. We're over and I am with Jax now." I told him and Jax put his arm around me and kissed my cheek.   
"Lets go home babe?" Jax asked me ignoring the furious Jason and I nodded at him.  
"I'd like that." He led me outside and loaded me into the truck. I let out a deep breath and I smiled at Jax when he climbed into the truck. "Thank you." I told him and he smiled at me gently.  
"For what? You're with me now remember?" I rolled my eyes at him and smiled.   
"Well you did say you love me so I figured that meant you wouldn't mind."  
"I do love you. And I don't mind."   
"I love you too."


	4. Chapter 4

Jax had formally asked me to be his old lady and introduced me to the club after we had our first date, meeting all the guys was a different experience but Happy was the one I felt closest to. Jax was amazing, he was a very patient with me and he never lost his cool when I was nervous about trying new things in bed which was new for me. He had been gone a lot this past week so we had come making up to do, which meant a very late night last night and then he was gone early the next morning. He left a note for me by the coffee pot ' _Be back later, club shit. Get some rest and eat something. Love You. J_ ' I rummaged through the cabinets and didn't fine anything that I wanted to eat, we hadn't been food shopping in a while and I heaved a sigh as I went to get dressed. I'd walk to the store and get a few things, maybe I'd cook Jax dinner tonight. I was dressed in jeans and Jax's SAMCRO hoodie and I grabbed a wad of cash out of the cookie jar, and my cellphone off the charger before I scribbled a note for him. _Went to the store, be back soon. Love, C_ It wasn't a far walk but I took the time to enjoy the day, it was starting to get cold in Charming and I was looking forward to winter. It took me about twenty minutes to walk to the store and once I got there I got stuff for enchiladas, some snacks and a few things for lunch since I knew I would be hungry when I got home. I was halfway home when my hone started to ring.   
"Hello?"  
"Hey, I'm home. Where are you?"  
"I left you a note by the front door. I went to the store. I'm on my way back now."  
"You walked?"   
"Yeah, it's not that far." He sighed and I knew he was going to lecture me. "I'll be home soon baby."  
"I'll come meet you."  
"You don't need to."  
"Yes I do." I sighed.  
"Ok fine whatever you want."  
"See you soon."  
"Ok." I hung up and shook my head at him as I walked. I walked for a few more minuted before a car came and pulled off the road in front of me. I frowned but kept walking. The driver door opened and then I stiffened when I saw Jason, he wasn't in his car so I didn't recognize it.  
"Get in the car."  
"No." I shook my head and backed up as he approached me.  
"Get in the car now Clairese." He lunged forward and gripped my arm. I struggled but he used his strength to drag me to the car. I screamed, hit and clawed him as he tugged me along. "Stop fucking fighting me!" He shouted as he slammed my head against the car and shoved me inside the back seat. I kicked out at him and tried to scramble out the other side but he tugged my legs and pulled me back across the seat. Jason hit my face again, stunning me and I felt my eyes roll back into my head as he closed me into the car and got into the driver seat. I don't remember much of what he said but I know that he talked to me the whole way back to his house. It wasn't my home anymore, my home was with Jax now. I tried felt him lift me out of the car and carry me into the house but I was still pretty out of it. He carried me into the house and dropped me onto the couch as he closed the shades and locked the front door. I looked around and saw that nothing had really changed since I had been gone, the place was trashed but that was to be expected. I ran a hand over my face and he saw it. "Awake huh?"  
"Let me go." I told him in a low tone as I sat up.  
"Who are you to tell me what to do?" He asked as he stepped closer to me.   
"I left you. You can't just kidnap me Jason. People are going to look for me and when they find me, you will die." I told him and he laughed.  
"Your blonde boyfriend? He isn't coming for you, you're not worth it Clairese." I shook my head and glared at him.  
"He will come, and he will kill you." I replied and he took two big steps and got into my face.   
"Be careful how you speak to me." I scoffed and he sucker punched me. My right eye blossomed with stars and I cried out at the pain.  
"Don't touch me!" I yelled at him and I shoved him away from me, I ran towards the kitchen and I looked around for a weapon. There was a knife on the counter and I reached for it as he ran after me.  
"You bitch! I'll have to teach you your manners again." I had the knife with the tips of my fingers when he gripped my hair and shoved me to the ground. I heard it clatter to the floor and I searched for it before he used my hair to lift me and threw me against the wall. My skull cracked against the floor when I landed and I tried to crawl away as he kicked me in the ribs. I skidded a few feet across the floor and he kicked me again, sending me against the cabinets under the counter. I felt something drip from my forehead and I knew that I was bleeding.  
"Jason! St-stop it." I yelled and he let out a laugh.  
"You left me! What are you to leave me and then tell me what to do?" He yelled as he straddled my hips. I felt his hands on my throat and I panicked, I tried to pry his hands away as he cut off my air supply but that was no use so I reached out for a weapon. _Please, let there be something._ My fingers connected the something cold and I looked at the knife from before. I gripped it and used the strength I had left to jab it into his chest. He gasped and jerked away from me, I gasped for air and jerked off the ground. I snatched the knife out of his chest and jammed it back in a second time, I heard the front door crack off the hinges as I stabbed him for the third time.   
"Baby?" I heard Jax and I let out a croak.  
"In here." Happy ran in with his gun drawn, Jax a half a step behind him.  
"Jesus." He came over and cupped my face in his hands gently. "Did he stab you?" I shook my head gently and the groaned as my vision swam. "No, no stay awake Clairese!" I slumped against him and that is all I remember.  
  
"She's going to be fine Jackie boy." I heard Chibs talking in his soothing Scottish accent and I smelled the familiar sent of sweat, beer, and cigarettes, which meant I was at the clubhouse. I frowned and cracked an eye open, I tried for both but my right eye wouldn't open.  
"Jax?" He appeared in my line of sight and I smiled softly. "Hey."   
"Hey."   
"Can I sit up?" I asked and he nodded as he helped me sit. I looked around and saw that I was in his dorm room. He looked pale and I reached out to take his hand.  
"You scared the hell out of me." He muttered   
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."  
"Don't do it again." I smiled at him and nodded.   
"I promise." He nodded and gently lifted me onto his lap, I curled around him and he held on to me for a long time before he spoke again.   
"Do you know what I was thinking when I looked for you?"  
"No." I shook my head and he buried his face in my hair.  
"That I'd be too late, that you'd be dead and that I'd never get to ask you to marry me. I need you so much, you keep my human and you make me happy baby, I can't imagine my life without you in it anymore."  
"When I met you, I was in the deepest, darkest pit that there ever was, then this shining light came alone and saved me, you have always been that light for me and I can't imagine my life without you in it either." He pulled back and kissed me gently before he spoke again.  
"So that means you'll marry me?" He grinned and I nodded.   
"Yeah, I'll marry you." I kissed his cheek and laid my head on his shoulder. I finally found someone that loved me as much as I loved them and he really was the light in my darkness.


End file.
